Currents
by link no miko
Summary: Three years, and Kairi has yet to see her best friends, and she is rapidly changing from the girl she once was. Can a simple night of festivities help her to find her way back to her former self? [oneshot, songfic]


Three years.  Three years had passed since Kairi last saw her best friends.  Three years of loneliness she tried to conceal by always smiling, always telling her other friends that yes, any day now, Sora and Riku would come back.

            But any day now had yet to come.  And Kairi was growing tired of always smiling.

            Destiny Islands had not changed at all in the time since its return, but Kairi herself had.  She walked the same beach they all used to run across everyday, but the beach wasn't as long as she remembered, the jumps not as high.  The sun beat down just as harshly, and the sea air played with her hair, but the salt in the air wasn't as strong and the wind didn't feel as friendly as it used to.  Nothing felt as it used to.

            She sighed and continued to walk, her hands held behind her back, clasped together.  She smiled to herself, although the smile never reached her eyes.  Seventeen and she still walked like a child.  But this was how she hadwalked when they were all together…she didn't want to lose that, no matter how silly it was.

            _'I'm such a sap…'_ she thought sadly, letting the smile fall.

            "Kairi!"

            The seventeen-year-old redhead jerked, turning quickly at the sound of her name being called.  Selphie was running towards her, a huge smile on her face.  Kairi smiled back as her friend finally caught up, leaning on her knees a bit to catch her breath.

            "Hey, Selphie.  What're you doing out here this early?"  Kairi always walked the beach in the early mornings and late afternoons, trying to dodge the times when the children of the island chain came to play.  Usually, no one was there for another hour or so.

            Selphie frowned, but her eyes still held her smile.  "Silly, for the festival!  Why else would I be here?  …You were going to come listen to me sing, weren't you?"

            Kairi mentally kicked herself.  How could she have forgotten Selphie was going to sing that night?

            "Of course I'm going to listen.  I would never miss it."  She made her smile bigger, although she cringed inside.  It felt wrong, giving Selphie a fake smile.  "I must have just zoned out and forgotten…"

            Selphie's frown deepened, looking troubled.  "That's ok, I know you would never totally forget.  But I'm here to practice and help set up.  Do you wanna help?"

            Kairi nodded.  "Of course I'll help.  There's nothing else to do here, anyway."  She reached out and took Selphie's hand, helping the girl stand up straight, then let go.  Selphie noticed the gesture, but didn't think anything of it.  Kairi lived within her own personal space now, never letting anyone get too close to her physically.

            _'Or emotionally,'_ the hyper girl added to herself as they began to walk back towards the main area of Destiny Islands.  '_She isn't like the Kairi I grew up with…_'

            As they came closer to the shack that separated the two sides of the island, Kairi could hear countless voices, all happy and cheerful and busy.  Selphie smiled at her as she led Kairi through the shack and opened the door to the bright sun and smiling faces of what seemed like half the island chain.

            "Selphie!  Kairi!"  The girls turned their heads as Tidus and Wakka ran up, both boys sweating but smiling.  Kairi looked past them to see where they'd come from, and noticed a large pavilion standing, still half-made.  "It's about time you found her," Tidus continued, looking at Selphie.  "We were wondering what was taking so long."

            "Thought she mighta fallen in the water, ya?"  Wakka added, winking at Kairi.  She giggled—a genuine giggle—and winked back.

            "Only on Tuesdays, Wakka."  She replied, making him grin.  Turning to face all of them, she settled into her usual stance of hands behind her back, swaying slightly.  "So, what can I do to help?"

            Wakka pointed past the pavilion, towards where a few other girls their age were hanging giant lights among the trees.  "You can help Selphie and them rig up the lights, or," he turned to point at a group of men and women all huddled together near the waterfall, fires blazing, "you can help cook.  They seem to have enough cooks though, ya?"

            "Yes.  I think I'll just help Selphie then."  Kairi said and began to walk that way, when Selphie grabbed her hand.  Surprised, she almost ripped her hand from the younger girl's grip, but stopped herself.  Selphie didn't seem to have noticed.

            "C'mon, _c'mon_!  This is gonna be so much fun, Kairi!"  Selphie cooed as she pulled her friend along behind her, her mood overly bright.  Kairi couldn't help but wonder that Selphie was doing this on purpose.

            "Um, Selphie…" She began, trying to wriggle her hand free.  "You don't need to hold my hand, you know…  I'm a big girl, I can walk."

            "You know what this festival is about, right?"

            Caught off-guard by the abrupt change of subject, Kairi shook her head.  "No.  No one ever told me."

            "That's probably because most people don't know.  I just learned this year because I have to sing."  She finally let go of Kairi's hand, but hovered closer to the older girl than Kairi liked.  "It's a celebration of how the ancestors all worked together to get here, of how they overcame difficulties to build everything we have today."

            "That's wonderful," Kairi said, putting on her fake smile.  "I never knew that."

            "So you've said."

            Kairi nodded.  "But why did you tell me that?"

            Selphie stopped and turned to face the red-haired girl, her expression completely serious.  "Because we aren't ever alone, Kairi.  You think you are, but you're not.  We're all here, we're all working together to make our lives what they are.  You don't have to hide who you are or how you feel from us—it won't stop us being here for you."

            Kairi was taken aback by the younger girl's words, but never let her smile slip.  "I…I know you're all here for me.  That's why I'm happy."

            "You know, your smile looks like _his_.  Like Sora's."

            Now Kairi did drop the smile.  "What?"

            Selphie continued as though Kairi had never spoken.  "Or at least, you want it to look like his.  But Sora's smile was always real, always true."  She looked her friend in the eye then.  "If you don't feel like smiling, then don't.  That's what I wanted to tell you."  Turning around, Selphie continued towards the other girls.  "You can go back to the beach if you want—we really do already have enough help.  Just…try to feel better, for all our sakes."

            With that, Kairi lost the brunette in the crowd of people.

            Sighing, she turned around and made her way back to the shack and her stretch of beach, Selphie's words echoing in her mind.

***

Night came quickly, and Kairi hurried to get herself ready.

            "Grandma, Grandpa!  C'mon, we're going to miss the festival if you don't hurry up!"

            After walking for another half hour after her "talk" with Selphie, Kairi had finally come home to the Mayor's house.  Busying herself with her usual chores, she lost track of time.  Now, with only an hour left before the start of the festival, she was trying to make up lost time.

            "Kairi, dear, it's all right, we have plenty of time."

            The girl darted to the foot of the stairs, her hands on her hips.  "Not true, Grandma!  If we wanna get good seats we have to go soon!"

            "Just a moment, dear."

            Sighing and throwing her hands up into the air, Kairi hurried back into the kitchen to finish cleaning up their dinner.

            Fifteen minutes later found Kairi and her adopted grandparents on a boat to the "party" island.  Colorful lights were strung on all the boats that were making trips back and forth, and Kairi found herself enjoying watching the many different colors move slowly past her.  '_I wish…I wish they were here to see this.  It doesn't feel right without them…  Like I'm betraying them by going to something without them…_'

            "Tonight is special, isn't it dear?"

            Slightly startled, Kairi turned to her grandfather and smiled.  "Yeah.  Selphie got chosen as the Songstress.  She sings really well, too, so I'm very happy she was finally chosen."  ****

            "Selphie is a sweet girl.  I remember when her parents were your age," her grandfather chuckled, and Kairi giggled along, although her thoughts were more sober.

            '_Grandpa and Grandma have been trying to help me since I first came here.  And since I came back, that hasn't changed._'  Her smile faltered slightly.  '_I don't know…what to do without them…  I don't want to think of when they have to go away from me.  I don't want anyone else to go away from me…_'

            They traveled the rest of the ride in silence, and when they finally reached the small island, Kairi couldn't wait to get on dry land.  The boat had begun to feel stifling, and as much as she loved her grandparents, she was finding it harder and harder to get close to them or let them know how she was feeling.  Being in such close quarters for such a long time had begun to make her nervous.

            "I'm gonna find Selphie, ok?  Can you find us some seats?"

            "Of course, dear," her grandma replied, and with a wave, Kairi darted off into the crowds.

            She found Selphie easily enough.  The younger girl was sitting with Wakka under one of the palm trees, both talking quietly.  Wakka was the first to notice her, and when he did he smiled and waved.

            "Hey, ya finally made it, ya?"

            "Hi Wakka, Selphie," she smiled and hurried towards them.  When she was closer, she finally caught sight of what Selphie was wearing, and it made her start.  ****

            Instead of her usual yellow outfit, Selphie was wearing a deep green princess-cut dress, the bust tight but tasteful, and the skirt flowing down to her knees in many layers.  She wore more jewelry than Kairi had ever seen the girl wear, but she wore no make-up.  In her hair she had paopu petals.

            "Wow, Selphie," she said, not quite sure what to say.  "You look very nice."

            Blushing, Selphie grinned.  "You think so?  I don't think it fits me.  But this is what they said I had to wear."  She shrugged.  "I'm gonna change as soon as I can."

            "I think it fits you."

            Selphie smiled again, beaming up at her friend.  "Thanks, Kairi.  That means a lot to me."

            "So when does the show start?"  Wakka butted in, sitting down by Selphie again.  "You didn't answer me yet."

            Selphie punched his upper arm lightly, giggling.  "Because talking to Kairi is more important than talking to you."

            Wakka rubbed his arm and frowned.  "Ouch, that was cold, ya."

            Selphie giggled again.  "It would be if I wasn't joking."

            "When do you sing, though?"  Kairi asked, sitting down on Selphie's other side.  She enjoyed watching her friends bicker sometimes, but lately, all their friendly banter did was annoy her.  

            '_I don't know what's wrong with me…  It's like I can't stand to have anything be like it used to be, like I'm closing myself off from everything I've ever loved…_'

            _Because everything you _did_ love went away from you_, another voice said softly in her mind, and Kairi shook her head, dispelling it.  Wakka and Selphie didn't seem to notice, though, and for that, Kairi was glad

            "Um…soon, I think.  There are a few performances before mine, to let everyone get here.  The song is really important, I guess," Selphie said, shrugging again.

            "You sound _so_ excited," Wakka said, his voice heavy with sarcasm, and that earned him another punch.

            "I'm just nervous, is all," Selphie finally admitted a few minutes later, once Wakka finally stopped cursing and bawling like a baby.  "And I didn't hit you that hard."

            "Well I know you'll do just fine," Kairi supplied, smiling her best smile.  '_And I really do mean it Selphie.  I wish you the best.'_

            "Thank you, Kairi."  Selphie stood and stretched.  "I've gotta go and finish getting ready.  See you all there!"  She waved to them and began jogging down the beach, then stopped and looked back.  She caught Kairi's gaze.  "And it's nice to finally see you smile, Kairi."

            With that, she was off, leaving a very confused duo in her wake.

            "Well uh…" Wakka started, breaking the silence that had descended after Selphie's exit.  "We should probably go get our seats, ya?"

            "Yeah…" Kairi nodded, her mind elsewhere.

***

Kairi joined Tidus and Wakka in the crowd, ready to cheer on her friend as she appeared on stage.  Her grandparents were with some of their friends closer to the front, sitting on chairs.  The young were deemed fit enough to stand.

            "So, this is something, ya?"  Wakka asked her as she squeezed between a couple to get to her friends.  "Not everyday you're best friends with the Songstress, ya?"

            "It is something, yeah," Kairi agreed, smiling slightly.

            "It's more than 'something,' it's great!  Selphie'll blow everyone away with her voice!"  Tidus joined in, smiling broadly, a glint of challenge in his face.  "Just you wait!"

            '_They all have such faith in her…_' Kairi thought, a warm feeling building in her chest.  '_Could I have that much faith too?_'

            "She's here!"  Wakka called, jabbing Kairi in the side.  Rubbing her ribs, she tried to hide her wince and cheered with everyone else.

            Selphie looked wonderful on stage.  She was beaming, and even her slightly blushing cheeks added to her image.  Kairi felt a pang in her heart at seeing her friend up there, smiling so brightly among all the people of the islands.

            '_I wish I could smile like that again…  But she at least has a reason to still smile…_'

            _"Because we aren't ever alone, Kairi.  You think you are, but you're not."_  

            '_She says that…but…_'

            "Hello everyone!"  Selphie's clear, high voice carried over the crowd, silencing everyone.  She waved and laughed, clearly not in the least bit experiencing stage fright.  "I hope I can do as good a job this year as Celes did last year, but I highly doubt that."  There was a ripple of laughter, and Kairi smirked, although there was no humor in her expression.  She hadn't gone to last year's festival.  The only reason she was even here this year was because Selphie was personally involved.

            "So, I guess I'll just sing then.  I was told this song was a message to the weary traveler, to let them know that they're never alone."  She cast a meaningful look in Kairi's direction, and the older girl frowned, but the look was gone before Kairi could even think to comment.  "So I sing this, hoping all those travelers will feel it in their hearts."

            And with that, she lifted her face and began to sing, a haunting, sad melody echoing across the assembled crowd.  

            (_Goin' with the silver flow)  _

            Kairi felt anger replace the warm feeling from earlier, and she glared at the younger girl singing on the stage.  '_She says that…but does she know?  How hard it is to miss them, to wake up at night hoping to see them outside your window, begging you to come and get into trouble with them…?_'

            _"Because we aren't ever alone, Kairi.  You think you are, but you're not.  We're all here, we're all working together to make our lives what they are."_

            _"Kairi!  Kairi, remember what you said before?  I'm always with you too.  I'll come back to you!"  ****_

_            "Hey Kairi…  Let's make a raft, the three of us.  Let's get off this island and see other worlds!"_

_            "I promise!"_

            (_Of river wide with current deep and slow_)

            '_She says such things…but she can't know!  This song…these words…  They mean nothing from someone who doesn't know!_'

            (_I rest my wings made to soar_)

            '_I don't…I can't be here anymore!_'  "I'm sorry," she said, fighting a tightening pain in her chest as she shoved past a surprised Wakka and Tidus.  "I have to leave."

            (_But can I fly anymore?_)

***

Selphie watched her friend leave, and could clearly see the pain in Kairi's eyes.  '_I'm sorry Kairi…but this is something you have to fight through on your own.  We can't help you after this point…_'

            Resolutely, she wrenched her eyes from her retreating friend, singing out as loud as she possibly could.

***

Kairi pushed through the crowd, apologies flying off her lips without thought.  She just wanted to get away.  Away from the words, away from the memories.  Away from the pain.

            (_The river it goes ever on_)

            She tripped, her foot twisting weirdly out of her sandal, causing her to crash face-first into the sand.  Only then did she notice she'd escaped the confines of the crowd and made it past the shack to 'her' beach.  Trying to rise shakily to her feet, her foot throbbed and she fell back down, slamming her hand against the sand, a sob racking her throat.

            (_Can heart keep pace rushing swollen till dawn_)  ****

            She could still hear the music, she dimly realized.  But surely Selphie had already finished her song.  Pushing herself to a sitting position and rubbing her foot gently, Kairi couldn't think about Selphie's song without being cynical.

Scoffing at herself, Kairi bit her bottom lip, ashamed.  '_Look at me…she's my friend, and I'm being terrible to her.  What kind of person am I?  She wanted my support and what did I do?  Ran away._'  She made an indelicate sound in the back of her throat.  '_All I can do is run away or hide._'

            She stared off at the water, trying not to listen to the music or cheers, but found she couldn't stop the words from echoing through her mind.  She surprised herself to discover she was humming the same song she'd just run away from.

            (_Now I shake off weariness_)

            Kairi started as the words echoed in her head.  She'd never paid much attention to the lyrics before, although she did find the tune pretty.  Sad, but pretty.  To find herself singing in her mind the lyrics of the song she'd just run away from…  The irony was not lost on her.

            '_It _is_ soothing, though…this song._'  She leaned back, the pain in her foot nothing more than a dull throb.  Resting on her elbows, she watched the moon's reflection as it danced on the ocean's waves, lost in thought.

            (_And go to meet what I can't guess_)

            '_But I can't help always worrying…  No matter how calm I am, or how nice things are going…  What's it like for them?  Are they hungry, cold, hurt?  Do they need help?  I want to know so many things, and I want to help them so badly…_'

            (_The heart has its secret currents_)

            "Heh," she half-sighed, half-laughed as she fell back, staring up at the sky, "they'd yell at me for worrying so much.  But…just a glimpse.  All I want is just a glimpse…" ****

            (_Deep and without guide_)

            A flash of light behind her closed lids startled her, and when she opened her eyes, she realized she wasn't on the beach anymore.

            "Where…?"

            "Gawrsh, Donald, what's the matter?"

            (_To find out where they will lead_)

            "I thought I heard something, that's all," she heard a very raspy voice to her left, and turned.  Donald was standing there, wearing a sailor's outfit, with Goofy a little behind him.  Kairi's heart leapt in her throat.  Wherever these two were, he was sure to be there!

            But…  She scanned around her, looking frantically.  Her heart plummeted when she realized that he wasn't there.

            "Maybe it was a bird?"  Goofy's innocent voice asked, but Donald just made a noise in his throat, showing what he thought of that idea.  Kairi didn't care either way.  She was finally so close to being able to see him again, to know whether or not he was safe…and he was gone.

            "Well, whatever it was," Kairi whipped around at the new voice, her heart pounding heavily once again, "I'm sure we can handle it."

            "Sora!  Oh God, Sora, you're here!"

            "Eh?"  He muttered, turning to look right at where she was standing.  She realized then that his clothing had changed.  His once red outfit was now black and had lost its childish quality.  His hair was also a shade paler.  "What was that?"

            "Sora, it's me!"  She called, trying to fight her way to him as she felt a stronger force begin to pull her back.  He was finally there, before her, and she could ask him about where he was, how he was doing…  But the scene quickly faded as the force wrenched her away, and the last thing she saw was him taking a step towards her, his arm stretched out as though to touch her cheek.

            "…Kairi…?"  ****

            (_I take the plunge eyes wide_)

            Kairi sat up quickly, her eyes wide and tears sliding silently down her cheeks.  A quick glance at the sky proved that only a few minutes, at most, had passed.  She could still hear the music from the festival, and if she strained her ears hard enough, she could make out Selphie's clear soprano voice.

            "That," she whispered, blinking the tears away, "what was that?  Why did I see Sora?"  But at least you saw him, a voice in her mind told her, and she smiled.  That was true, wasn't it?  "I got my wish, at least…  And I know he's doing well…"

            Her leg twitched, and she suddenly remembered she'd been standing when she saw Sora.  Hoping maybe it meant something, she gingerly tapped her ankle and then flinched and hissed when it throbbed in return.

            A dream, then.  It must have been just a dream.  For some reason though, that thought caused her more pain than her foot.  '_I was really hoping it was real…_'

            (_I'd like to know where you're from_)

            '_But still…it was nice to see Sora.  He looked so different though._'  She giggled and the pain eased a bit.  '_And handsome, too.  A lot more mature.  I wonder if Riku has changed a lot, too…_'

            She frowned at that.  '_Can he even…change…where he is?  Sora didn't get a chance to tell me where he was before we…before we parted.  But I know something happened to him…_'  

Riku's face appeared before her as she gazed out at the ocean, and she smiled.  His face broke out in a huge grin.  '_I miss his smile, too.  His real smile, not the one he usually showed everyone else._  _The smile just for Sora and me and his dad…_'

            Her smile changed to a sad one, watching as Riku, still smiling, turned his back to her, waving casually.

            (_And where you're going to, Water Traveler_)

            '_He always did want to leave…  I hope…no, I know, wherever he is now, he'll be safe.  And he'll be fighting to find his way back home._'  She closed her eyes as her vision of Riku slowly disappeared.  '_I know you'll be safe…  Take care, Riku._'

            The retreating form of her friend, now almost completely gone, paused in her mind's eye, then turned slowly so she could see his profile.  His mouth moved, and while she couldn't hear the words, his meaning was clear.

            _Be well, Kairi.  We _will_ meet again._

            (_Now I stretch out my wings again_)

            "We will…definitely."

            And she smiled brightly, for the first time in three years, her heart free of pain.

            (_And take back what I lost then_)

            "Who are you talking to?"

            She jumped at Tidus' voice, shifting around so that only her upper torso twisted and she could see behind her.  Tidus and Wakka were standing a few feet away from her, looking worried.

            "Ah, Kairi.  You been crying?"  Wakka asked when he noticed her face, taking a worried step forward.  Kairi blinked and felt the tears dryingagainst her cheeks.

            (_The heart has its secret currents_)

            Wiping them away, she shook her head, still smiling.

            "I was, but I'm ok now."

            "We were worried," Tidus supplied lamely, and Kairi smiled.  He never did know what to say in strange situations, and usually always stated the obvious.  It was cute, in a way.

            "I'm sorry for leaving.  I hurt myself though."  She indicated her foot, smiling a lopsided smile.  Wakka knelt beside her and turned, offering his back to her.  Understanding dawned on her after a few moments and she reached out, hooking her arms around his neck.

            (_Deep and without guide_)

            "Sorry about this," she said softly.  "I wasn't being careful.  You shouldn't have to help me because I was being stupid."

            "Don't say that.  No matter what, we're here for you.  Even if you are being stupid, ya?"

            Nodding, Kairi hugged Wakka, nearly choking him.  She felt truly happy, and couldn't find the words to express that.  So she settled with a simple "Thank you."

            "You looked like him."

            "Huh?"  Both Wakka and Kairi asked, stopping to see Tidus behind them.  He had stopped and was looking at Kairi with a strange expression on his face.

            "Just now, that goofy grin.  You looked like Sora.  Only _really_ like him, not that fake smile you used to always use."

            (_To find out where they will lead_)

            "I…" Kairi said, not quite sure how to answer to that.  Wakka saved her the trouble, though.

            "That's something we've been missing for a while, ya.  Kairi's real smile."  She turned back around to look at the back of Wakka's head, shock in her expression.  Though he couldn't see her face, he must have sensed her surprise, because he laughed.  "You're not the only one missing them, ya?  But even though you're here, you weren't, ya know?"

            "But hey, she's coming back!  She even hugged you, Wakka," Tidus said, a laugh in his voice.  Kairi blinked, then realized the truth in his statement.  The need to distance herself from others wasn't very important anymore.

On impulse, she hugged Wakka tight, choking him and causing them both to fall in a heap right before the door to the shack.

            Laughing, Tidus ran up to them, only slightly worried, but a bright-red Kairi and an equally bright-red Wakka waved him off, laughing crazily.

            "What happened here?  Oh my gosh, are you two ok?"

            Kairi struggled off Wakka and hobbled her way to a very confused Selphie, tears streaming down her cheeks as she collapsed against her friend, laughing and crying and hugging all at the same time.

            "Nothing at all, Selphie.  Nothing at all."

            Blinking slowly, a smile started to form on Selphie's face, and then she understood.  Hugging Kairi back and laughing along with them, Selphie nodded to let them know she understood.

            "Welcome back, Kairi.  You finally found your way home."

            (_I take the plunge eyes wide_)

FIN

***

Well then.

            Can you tell I like Wakka and not Tidus?  But the scary thing is…I hate Selphie.  The crap?  Anywho.  This used elements in it from my other KH one-shot (i.e. Kairi's grandparents and Riku's family), and some elements from KH2 (black outfit!).  That's about all the references to KH2 though (since the time period is off).

            The song used was _Currents_, the A Capela version (uh…minus two lines because I sort of...forgot them.  But it would be sung like the A Capela version!).  _Currents_ is the opening song to Suikogaiden (just to let you know).  Good song.

            This was really written because I wanted to incorporate this song into a ficcie, and this idea hit me. Both my sister and I think the song fitsKH rather well, especially post game.  I really wanted to write Sora, though…  Why do I keep writing from Kairi's PoV?  Odd…  But it came out as a Kairi journey fic, and I think it did well in that regard.

            Anywho.  I hope this came out well and yes, I know it's cheesy.  Oh, the cheese there is.  ^-^x

            And special thanks to Koorino Megumi, for beta-ing this, as well as starhealer!  Rah, you girls.  Rah!


End file.
